Turns out my self-inflicted food poisoning that caused the worst stomach upheaval of my adult life was a 24 hour stomach bug. As I learned from my daughter starting at 3:15 am.
Wonderful night.
Worst stomach bug I ever had was Christmas Eve 1982 (or maybe ’83). Starting at 2am, I woke up once every hour and threw up. That lasted until 6am. I didn’t actually feel that bad afterwards. What made it the worst stomach bug ever was that I couldn’t eat anything except soda and crackers on Christmas Day. That was pure agony.
Turns out my self-inflicted food poisoning that caused the worst stomach upheaval of my adult life was a 24 hour stomach bug. As I learned from my daughter starting at 3:15 am.
I gave my daughter the 8 hr stomach death; my daughter has passed it to my wife. The little girl is doing well.
Potty training started yesterday, thankfully my mother in law is at the house to deal with that.
In better news I bought tickets for Rifftrax/mst3k live broadcast and TCM has some really interesting big screen classics if you live near a theater that shows them (check out fathom events).
I also was able to purchase a discontinued fly rod from Temple Fork Outfitters for $75.00 ($250.00 less than the new version of the same rod). Now if I can ever find a fish big enough to use it on (looks like I need to goto Belize).
In better news I bought tickets for Rifftrax/mst3k live broadcast and TCM has some really interesting big screen classics if you live near a theater that shows them (check out fathom events).
Well, yesterday I got an e-mail from Google AdSense saying my account was suspended due to "Invalid clicking activity" (which means they thought I was clicking on my own ads) And just now I got a message saying that they rejected my appeal.
Basically, I will no longer be able to monetize my YouTube videos which means I probably won't be able to do my shows anymore (there's really no viable alternative for me) and I don't have the view count or the subscribers to get sponsors or start a Patreon.
Right now, I just feel like a failure...I wasted my time, I wasted not only my money; but my father's money as well. Maybe...I should just end everything...That would make people happy.
Right now, I just feel like a failure...I wasted my time, I wasted not only my money; but my father's money as well. Maybe...I should just end everything...That would make people happy.
As someone who just lost a son; I'm going to tell you something important.
Money comes and goes; you make it and lose it. Success and failure come and go. That pain from this not working out will dull and eventually become a memory. You'll get wins.
What doesn't compare is losing a son. So that end it all crap needs to leave your mind; I promise you that your dad would rather lose all his money than go through that kind of loss.
What hurts the most right now is that my channel was growing....Subscribers had almost doubled, viewership was up...I was actually close to making something & now it's all gone.
Do you know most of the world's most famous inventors failed hundreds of times before they succeeded? Your life is not about winning, it is about finishing the race, no matter how many times you fall down.
I've been where you are and hit bottom and felt that I was a failure, all was lost. Drugs and jail time. I was ashamed and ruined, but I changed my perspective, realized how free I truly was and that I could pick myself up and start again. Sure there were consequences, but I managed to deal with them.
If you have a passion for this, start again, change what wasn't working, try a new approach, and step up. Quitting is for quitters. Accept responsibility for what didn't work, reject passivity, courageously lead again, and begin concentrating on things that have real value in life. You may be surprised how forgiving some people can be when we swallow our pride.
@RedRight88 Sorry to be seeing and responding to this late, and what I have to say pales in comparison to the experiences that others have already shared.
I would only add from my own experiences that making a thing and finding an audience for it can be a very frustrating and draining endeavor. And in an media environment with so much content and so much choice (one statistic I have heard recently is that 400 hours of content are added to YouTube every minute) it can be hard for anyone to get anything going. Especially at a time where, if you count something like a person's own social media stream and presence, people are basically making and scrolling their own, personal channels, much more often than navigating to someone else's something.
I'm not telling you anything you don't know. But what I am trying to say is to not take a lack of audience or audience response as personal. I'm sure it is disappointing, but it is not a referendum on who you are, or what you, or your time, is worth. It is just one endeavor, among many you will have. And if the process of making is enjoyable, then that is what is most important. There is a reason why so many successful and distinctive comics creators will say that, first and foremost, they are creating the kinds of comics they want to read. That way, even if what they make doesn't connect with a large audience, at least they have spent time with the comics they enjoy.
If the making is not bringing you joy, then there are other endeavors. And if it is bringing you joy, then it is not about the audience numbers. Those might grow over time, but without some big marketing budget, what draws eyeballs at a time of such overwhelming choice can be hard to predict or control. Heck, even the CGS YouTube videos have a modest amount of views, and that is for a brand that has been around for more than 10 years. There is just so much out there to compete with, especially when it comes to something that requires active viewing, like a video (as opposed to listening to a podcast, that can accompany other things).
One last thought, as it sounds like YouTube has done wrong by you, might using Vimeo be an affordable alternative? I know a lot of people that want to share things like their demo reel, or short film, things like that, seem to use Vimeo as a more no-nonsense alternative to YouTube. Maybe that could be an option?
@David_D Thanks, but I really can't afford Vimeo (I don't have the $200) for the proper amount of bandwidth.
Also, I can upload to YouTube; I just can't monetize the videos...This has nothing to do with viewership numbers or subscribers...Google took away my ability to monetize the videos without allowing me any chance to defend myself (I filled out an appeal form which they basically brushed aside with little to no thought)
Basically what they think I did (or was doing) was trying to artificially inflate my earnings by clicking on the advertisements embedded on my blog or my YouTube channel. I was not doing this.
The fact of the matter is, I don't make a lot of money (I make roughly $300 a month delivering newspapers) this is contracted work; if I miss a day, I don't get paid for it & I have to pay the person who fills in for me.
I've tried getting other jobs in the past, but I can never even land an interview (I still get rejection e-mails from Sears; a place I applied to a little over five years ago). Also, Bismarck is just not a good job market at this time...Too many people leave their jobs without notice to try and get work in the oil fields, and the people who get left behind are getting worked to the point of burnout.
So, doing my shows on YouTube was hopefully going to provide something of a source of supplemental income for me (please note: I do like doing these shows, so it's not just about the money). Not to mention I'd like to do things like see my brother and sister-in-law a little more than one time every three years, go to a convention, maybe meet up with some of our fellow geeks in the Twin Cities.
Heck, if I could go to a convention (even as a paid attendee) I could have some business cards made up to promote the channel and give them out to anyone interested.
Now, it looks like that can't ever happen and yeah, it's hurt me.
As an employee of a corporation, I can tell you that nothing gets you results like a phone call. Find a customer service number and call it. Tell them your story and see what they say. If you don't get any satisfaction, ask to speak to that person's supervisor. And then that person's supervisor. Keep doing that until you find someone who can help you. Good luck!
It's alot harder to ignore a person on the phone or an in person resume drop off. Asking face to face for applications even if there is no job is a big plus too, remember the worst they can say right now is no, but then who knows a couple of weeks later something might open up.
@David_D Thanks, but I really can't afford Vimeo (I don't have the $200) for the proper amount of bandwidth.
Also, I can upload to YouTube; I just can't monetize the videos...This has nothing to do with viewership numbers or subscribers...Google took away my ability to monetize the videos without allowing me any chance to defend myself (I filled out an appeal form which they basically brushed aside with little to no thought)
Basically what they think I did (or was doing) was trying to artificially inflate my earnings by clicking on the advertisements embedded on my blog or my YouTube channel. I was not doing this.
The fact of the matter is, I don't make a lot of money (I make roughly $300 a month delivering newspapers) this is contracted work; if I miss a day, I don't get paid for it & I have to pay the person who fills in for me.
I've tried getting other jobs in the past, but I can never even land an interview (I still get rejection e-mails from Sears; a place I applied to a little over five years ago). Also, Bismarck is just not a good job market at this time...Too many people leave their jobs without notice to try and get work in the oil fields, and the people who get left behind are getting worked to the point of burnout.
So, doing my shows on YouTube was hopefully going to provide something of a source of supplemental income for me (please note: I do like doing these shows, so it's not just about the money). Not to mention I'd like to do things like see my brother and sister-in-law a little more than one time every three years, go to a convention, maybe meet up with some of our fellow geeks in the Twin Cities.
Heck, if I could go to a convention (even as a paid attendee) I could have some business cards made up to promote the channel and give them out to anyone interested.
Now, it looks like that can't ever happen and yeah, it's hurt me.
I'm sorry to hear that this has not worked out as what you were hoping it would be. My understanding is that there is very little money to be made in YouTubing. Especially when YouTube itself has an in-house production company, and even spends money advertising its own content, and stars it has chosen. There is, unfortunately, usually not much money to be made in the things that one most enjoys doing, especially when it comes to creating content. Or, if there is, they are dollars much harder to chase and compete for than in more traditional jobs.
As daunting and disheartening as the traditional, out-of-home, work market can be, the time put into chasing that kind of work is probably going to have more of a chance, and return on investment, then trying to compete on a platform that others own, and set up a pyramid-scheme like system of letting users commodotize-- by their rules and whims.
As hard as a given job market can be, there are jobs to be had. And on the upside, any job can actually be the start of a career, or a step towards one, in ways that freelance or self-employed content creation so rarely can be.
As others have said, don't let yourself get turned away by online portals and a lack of interview invites. See if you can leverage family and personal connections. Make that phone call. Show up to drop off a resume. Show up at a job fair or open house. That amount of shoe leather can make a real difference. Those passive online portals are there to discourage the discouragable. Don't let them wear you down.
My youngest was given a 3 Day pass through the Pop Culture in the Classroom program. He gave me the pass to use on Sunday. I wasn't able to get to the Con until around 3PM, but had a great time. I was able to reconnect with some people I hadn't seen in a long time. By the way, if you ever get a chance to talk to Charlito (Charlie LaGreca) DO IT! He might be the most joyful person I know. His enthusiasm is contagious. You're better for having talked to him. I was able to fill some holes in my collection. I found nice "reading" copies of Showcase 73 & 75 and I'm down to needing 1 issue of the 60's Beware the Creeper series. I also bought some Toon Tumblers. I really like them. They're like "Slurpee" cups for adults. While I've been to many of the local one day shows, this was my first big con, so I hope you don't mind if I share a couple of my experiences. I left the selling area to get some water and use the restroom. When I came back to the selling area I was assaulted by the smell of sweat, teen angst, and middle aged desperation. I don't know how I didn't notice that when I walked it. And, I think I need to apologize to one of the employees at my LCS. I was going through a long box, heard my name, looked over and standing next to me was one of the girls that works at the LCS. I very loudly said, "Sara!" then bent down and gave her a hug. While in the hugging motion I heard her say something like, "You're going to hug me?". I tend to be a hugger and I also tend to be a bit over the top with my reactions. My wife gets on me about the hugging, and rightfully so.
It feels like Christmas today. My new reel came in, one of my new rods came in, my present for my dad came in (also a new reel). I'll be casting the new rod tonite; I'm waiting on line and rod for the new reel.
Speaking of Denver Comic Con... I realized a dream on Saturday. After standing in line for 1.5 hours, I got to meet Stan Lee and got him to sign my Amazing Spider-Man Vol. 1 Omnibus. It did cost me $100, plus $20 for the COA, but I heard that this is the last year and last con tour that Lee will be making as he is officially retiring from the convention circuit. And when I say "meet" I really mean that I just moved through the line and thanked him for the hours of entertainment he played a part in crafting. I got no response as he was on to signing the next book. I wasn't too upset though. The man is 93 years old, started signing autographs after sitting in a panel, and would soon be off to take pictures with scores of fans that paid way more than $100 for an autograph. Still, it was a great Father's Day gift.
I didn't do much more shopping. The prices are just too outrageous (thanks for spoiling me DCBS and $0.99 comiXology sales!). I did pick up a Captain America and Spider-Man Captain Action costume set. I thought I was buying the actual Captain Action figure with the costume, but realized when I got home, it was just nicely packaged rubber and fabric. Don't fret though, I went to Amazon and found a couple of relatively cheap reissue figures.
Quick funny story, when I first saw the line for Stan Lee, the staff said that it could take up to three hours as they were letting all the VIP and speed pass attendees through first (yikes!). So my son (11yo) and I walked around some more until the line shortened a little bit. We walked through Artists Valley (artists alley) and my son said, "Hey, dad, that guy's name is 'Lee'," and he pointed to artist Jae Lee's table. I simply told him that that's not the same guy. "Oh," he said.
Speaking of Denver Comic Con... I realized a dream on Saturday. After standing in line for 1.5 hours, I got to meet Stan Lee and got him to sign my Amazing Spider-Man Vol. 1 Omnibus. It did cost me $100, plus $20 for the COA, but I heard that this is the last year and last con tour that Lee will be making as he is officially retiring from the convention circuit. And when I say "meet" I really mean that I just moved through the line and thanked him for the hours of entertainment he played a part in crafting. I got no response as he was on to signing the next book. I wasn't too upset though. The man is 93 years old, started signing autographs after sitting in a panel, and would soon be off to take pictures with scores of fans that paid way more than $100 for an autograph. Still, it was a great Father's Day gift.
I didn't do much more shopping. The prices are just too outrageous (thanks for spoiling me DCBS and $0.99 comiXology sales!). I did pick up a Captain America and Spider-Man Captain Action costume set. I thought I was buying the actual Captain Action figure with the costume, but realized when I got home, it was just nicely packaged rubber and fabric. Don't fret though, I went to Amazon and found a couple of relatively cheap reissue figures.
Quick funny story, when I first saw the line for Stan Lee, the staff said that it could take up to three hours as they were letting all the VIP and speed pass attendees through first (yikes!). So my son (11yo) and I walked around some more until the line shortened a little bit. We walked through Artists Valley (artists alley) and my son said, "Hey, dad, that guy's name is 'Lee'," and he pointed to artist Jae Lee's table. I simply told him that that's not the same guy. "Oh," he said.
I admire you for standing in that line. I got autographs from Hayley Atwell, Brent Spiner, John De Lancie, and Lena Headey and I do not think the total time I was in line was much over 40 mins.
Lena Headey at one point had a huge line so I went shopping and came back later and it was maybe a 10 min line. De Lancie was at the end of the day and it was basically a walk right up to him situation.
Speaking of Denver Comic Con... I realized a dream on Saturday. After standing in line for 1.5 hours, I got to meet Stan Lee and got him to sign my Amazing Spider-Man Vol. 1 Omnibus. It did cost me $100, plus $20 for the COA, but I heard that this is the last year and last con tour that Lee will be making as he is officially retiring from the convention circuit. And when I say "meet" I really mean that I just moved through the line and thanked him for the hours of entertainment he played a part in crafting. I got no response as he was on to signing the next book. I wasn't too upset though. The man is 93 years old, started signing autographs after sitting in a panel, and would soon be off to take pictures with scores of fans that paid way more than $100 for an autograph. Still, it was a great Father's Day gift.
I didn't do much more shopping. The prices are just too outrageous (thanks for spoiling me DCBS and $0.99 comiXology sales!). I did pick up a Captain America and Spider-Man Captain Action costume set. I thought I was buying the actual Captain Action figure with the costume, but realized when I got home, it was just nicely packaged rubber and fabric. Don't fret though, I went to Amazon and found a couple of relatively cheap reissue figures.
Quick funny story, when I first saw the line for Stan Lee, the staff said that it could take up to three hours as they were letting all the VIP and speed pass attendees through first (yikes!). So my son (11yo) and I walked around some more until the line shortened a little bit. We walked through Artists Valley (artists alley) and my son said, "Hey, dad, that guy's name is 'Lee'," and he pointed to artist Jae Lee's table. I simply told him that that's not the same guy. "Oh," he said.
I'm jealous because I know I'll probably never have the opportunity to meet him.
Comments
Courage.
I gave my daughter the 8 hr stomach death; my daughter has passed it to my wife. The little girl is doing well.
Potty training started yesterday, thankfully my mother in law is at the house to deal with that.
In better news I bought tickets for Rifftrax/mst3k live broadcast and TCM has some really interesting big screen classics if you live near a theater that shows them (check out fathom events).
I also was able to purchase a discontinued fly rod from Temple Fork Outfitters for $75.00 ($250.00 less than the new version of the same rod). Now if I can ever find a fish big enough to use it on (looks like I need to goto Belize).
Basically, I will no longer be able to monetize my YouTube videos which means I probably won't be able to do my shows anymore (there's really no viable alternative for me) and I don't have the view count or the subscribers to get sponsors or start a Patreon.
Right now, I just feel like a failure...I wasted my time, I wasted not only my money; but my father's money as well. Maybe...I should just end everything...That would make people happy.
Money comes and goes; you make it and lose it. Success and failure come and go. That pain from this not working out will dull and eventually become a memory. You'll get wins.
What doesn't compare is losing a son. So that end it all crap needs to leave your mind; I promise you that your dad would rather lose all his money than go through that kind of loss.
I've been where you are and hit bottom and felt that I was a failure, all was lost. Drugs and jail time. I was ashamed and ruined, but I changed my perspective, realized how free I truly was and that I could pick myself up and start again. Sure there were consequences, but I managed to deal with them.
If you have a passion for this, start again, change what wasn't working, try a new approach, and step up. Quitting is for quitters. Accept responsibility for what didn't work, reject passivity, courageously lead again, and begin concentrating on things that have real value in life. You may be surprised how forgiving some people can be when we swallow our pride.
I would only add from my own experiences that making a thing and finding an audience for it can be a very frustrating and draining endeavor. And in an media environment with so much content and so much choice (one statistic I have heard recently is that 400 hours of content are added to YouTube every minute) it can be hard for anyone to get anything going. Especially at a time where, if you count something like a person's own social media stream and presence, people are basically making and scrolling their own, personal channels, much more often than navigating to someone else's something.
I'm not telling you anything you don't know. But what I am trying to say is to not take a lack of audience or audience response as personal. I'm sure it is disappointing, but it is not a referendum on who you are, or what you, or your time, is worth. It is just one endeavor, among many you will have. And if the process of making is enjoyable, then that is what is most important. There is a reason why so many successful and distinctive comics creators will say that, first and foremost, they are creating the kinds of comics they want to read. That way, even if what they make doesn't connect with a large audience, at least they have spent time with the comics they enjoy.
If the making is not bringing you joy, then there are other endeavors. And if it is bringing you joy, then it is not about the audience numbers. Those might grow over time, but without some big marketing budget, what draws eyeballs at a time of such overwhelming choice can be hard to predict or control. Heck, even the CGS YouTube videos have a modest amount of views, and that is for a brand that has been around for more than 10 years. There is just so much out there to compete with, especially when it comes to something that requires active viewing, like a video (as opposed to listening to a podcast, that can accompany other things).
One last thought, as it sounds like YouTube has done wrong by you, might using Vimeo be an affordable alternative? I know a lot of people that want to share things like their demo reel, or short film, things like that, seem to use Vimeo as a more no-nonsense alternative to YouTube. Maybe that could be an option?
Also, I can upload to YouTube; I just can't monetize the videos...This has nothing to do with viewership numbers or subscribers...Google took away my ability to monetize the videos without allowing me any chance to defend myself (I filled out an appeal form which they basically brushed aside with little to no thought)
Basically what they think I did (or was doing) was trying to artificially inflate my earnings by clicking on the advertisements embedded on my blog or my YouTube channel. I was not doing this.
The fact of the matter is, I don't make a lot of money (I make roughly $300 a month delivering newspapers) this is contracted work; if I miss a day, I don't get paid for it & I have to pay the person who fills in for me.
I've tried getting other jobs in the past, but I can never even land an interview (I still get rejection e-mails from Sears; a place I applied to a little over five years ago). Also, Bismarck is just not a good job market at this time...Too many people leave their jobs without notice to try and get work in the oil fields, and the people who get left behind are getting worked to the point of burnout.
So, doing my shows on YouTube was hopefully going to provide something of a source of supplemental income for me (please note: I do like doing these shows, so it's not just about the money). Not to mention I'd like to do things like see my brother and sister-in-law a little more than one time every three years, go to a convention, maybe meet up with some of our fellow geeks in the Twin Cities.
Heck, if I could go to a convention (even as a paid attendee) I could have some business cards made up to promote the channel and give them out to anyone interested.
Now, it looks like that can't ever happen and yeah, it's hurt me.
As an employee of a corporation, I can tell you that nothing gets you results like a phone call. Find a customer service number and call it. Tell them your story and see what they say. If you don't get any satisfaction, ask to speak to that person's supervisor. And then that person's supervisor. Keep doing that until you find someone who can help you. Good luck!
It's alot harder to ignore a person on the phone or an in person resume drop off. Asking face to face for applications even if there is no job is a big plus too, remember the worst they can say right now is no, but then who knows a couple of weeks later something might open up.
As daunting and disheartening as the traditional, out-of-home, work market can be, the time put into chasing that kind of work is probably going to have more of a chance, and return on investment, then trying to compete on a platform that others own, and set up a pyramid-scheme like system of letting users commodotize-- by their rules and whims.
As hard as a given job market can be, there are jobs to be had. And on the upside, any job can actually be the start of a career, or a step towards one, in ways that freelance or self-employed content creation so rarely can be.
As others have said, don't let yourself get turned away by online portals and a lack of interview invites. See if you can leverage family and personal connections. Make that phone call. Show up to drop off a resume. Show up at a job fair or open house. That amount of shoe leather can make a real difference. Those passive online portals are there to discourage the discouragable. Don't let them wear you down.
I was able to fill some holes in my collection. I found nice "reading" copies of Showcase 73 & 75 and I'm down to needing 1 issue of the 60's Beware the Creeper series. I also bought some Toon Tumblers. I really like them. They're like "Slurpee" cups for adults.
While I've been to many of the local one day shows, this was my first big con, so I hope you don't mind if I share a couple of my experiences. I left the selling area to get some water and use the restroom. When I came back to the selling area I was assaulted by the smell of sweat, teen angst, and middle aged desperation. I don't know how I didn't notice that when I walked it. And, I think I need to apologize to one of the employees at my LCS. I was going through a long box, heard my name, looked over and standing next to me was one of the girls that works at the LCS. I very loudly said, "Sara!" then bent down and gave her a hug. While in the hugging motion I heard her say something like, "You're going to hug me?". I tend to be a hugger and I also tend to be a bit over the top with my reactions. My wife gets on me about the hugging, and rightfully so.
Speaking of Denver Comic Con... I realized a dream on Saturday. After standing in line for 1.5 hours, I got to meet Stan Lee and got him to sign my Amazing Spider-Man Vol. 1 Omnibus. It did cost me $100, plus $20 for the COA, but I heard that this is the last year and last con tour that Lee will be making as he is officially retiring from the convention circuit. And when I say "meet" I really mean that I just moved through the line and thanked him for the hours of entertainment he played a part in crafting. I got no response as he was on to signing the next book. I wasn't too upset though. The man is 93 years old, started signing autographs after sitting in a panel, and would soon be off to take pictures with scores of fans that paid way more than $100 for an autograph. Still, it was a great Father's Day gift.
I didn't do much more shopping. The prices are just too outrageous (thanks for spoiling me DCBS and $0.99 comiXology sales!). I did pick up a Captain America and Spider-Man Captain Action costume set. I thought I was buying the actual Captain Action figure with the costume, but realized when I got home, it was just nicely packaged rubber and fabric. Don't fret though, I went to Amazon and found a couple of relatively cheap reissue figures.
Quick funny story, when I first saw the line for Stan Lee, the staff said that it could take up to three hours as they were letting all the VIP and speed pass attendees through first (yikes!). So my son (11yo) and I walked around some more until the line shortened a little bit. We walked through Artists Valley (artists alley) and my son said, "Hey, dad, that guy's name is 'Lee'," and he pointed to artist Jae Lee's table. I simply told him that that's not the same guy. "Oh," he said.
Lena Headey at one point had a huge line so I went shopping and came back later and it was maybe a 10 min line. De Lancie was at the end of the day and it was basically a walk right up to him situation.
They are still terrible, and I'm still not listening to them. But they are not the worst
Happy birthday to @ShaneKelly !!